gezum life! :E

a'! Yes. I can officially feel it. This "i am now a college student" feeling. meeeehn. we're old :| but still, something remains the same. this thing, it doesn't change. from kindergarten, elementary, highschool. and now, college. i always feel like i am left behind. the person in the background while the movie is on its climax. the back up voice in a song's chorus.

I have friends. actually i have loads of them. seriously. i am not a loner. but the more people surrounds me, the more alone i feel. a couple of days back, someone texted me. he's asking stuffs about dawn. he said he's gonna make a write up about dawn. of course i am proud of dawn. it's super cool. i remembered when i forced her to accompany me in joining the Courier (the club of our school paper). then she became our editor in chief. and now, an applicant is writing an article about her. cool no? so proud! ;)

hmmm. who else? uh, Jo! a new friend of mine. i remembered when i met her. i thought we weren't gonna be friends. i thought we just dont click. but of course, that changed. OBVIOUSLY. haha. before, i thought Jo is one of those "Maria Clara with a twist" girls. the shy type but super talkative when with friends. someone who still havent come out of her shell. but boy i was wrong. super talented! she can play the piano, guitar, can sing and boy, can dance. of course, all of us don't know each other that much since we've just met a few months back. but i can see that she's super talented. she just dont show it to others that much. sayang yan Jo! ;)

but what is really my point? i've talked about different things but still, i havent talked about what i wrote on the first paragraph. about me feeling a "left behind dude". so here it goes.....

these past few weeks, i always feel this shitty feeling. every dismissal, of course, i still wanna stay. but my friends have other businesses. ME? "err". Jo has training. Nika has a life. Actually, they ALL have a life. Seriously, where can get some of those?! I OBVIOUSLY, SERIOUSLY, BADLY need one :| Im already in college yet i still havent done something! Lord, SERIOUSLY (for the 3rd time!) when can i claim a life? :|



#ncel

eeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrr

a'! you know? when me is sad. she really ain't happy :| me just doesn't know why the hell things go wrong every time she tries to do the right things. eeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrr.



#ncel

a'! hmm, it's my grandma's 2nd death anniversary. i miss her :(

-#ncel

everytime i try so hard to do something, it just turns out wrong

a'!sooo. hmm. school? study? books? exams?

so, i have my finals this week. can you believe it?! i actually made it! whew! so eyes on the road. here's the thing, the first day of the exam is no sweat. seriously, it is! so i was excited for the second day. and i promised to myself that i will NOT BE LATE. yea you read that right. i kinda had a wake up call last week (i failed P.E because of my "lates"). i left the house at around 5:45. my exam starts at 7:30. pretty early huh? well, that's what i thought so.

but still, i was 30 mins late! why the hell! :o

i know i couldn't fly. i cant do anything. to make things worst, i felt like the things that i studied just exits outta my head to make room for my anxiety. so i was really frustrated. this thought just makes its way in my head.

in our world today, i think, most of the students just study to pass the exam. ask them about that subject after sembreak, i bet they wouldn't even know what you're talking about. i just think there's something wrong about it.



-#ncel

before hitting the sack

a'! its way way past my bed time. well, actually i dont have one. haha. okaay. i just want to post something before hitting the sack. my friend who's in the states just messaged me in my FB account. she said that she miss me sooo much and asked me when will i come visit her. aw. i miss her too. it brings back memories..

this blog doesnt contain much. i just wanted to write that no matter what, i will not break my promise to her. ill come and see her. of course it will take, uhm, i dont know? 4? 6? or 10 yrs for me to do what i promised to her. but still I WILL. after "i dont know years" and i read this blog and im about to die in the next couple of hours and i still havent done what i promised her:

DUDE! YOU'RE A LIAR JERK!!

haha. i meant it. gnyte! :*

-- #ncel

pinch me.

a'! first blog eh? hmm. i dont know if anyone's gonna read this. but o well, i just wanna let my mind speak.

im a freshmen college student right now. taking b.s psychology. just a freshmen student but i feel like im already 85 yrs old. i often stop and think about things. things that makes my mind go crazy. im bored. but not like bored bored. i mean, bored in a way that things that are happening to me right now feels like a movie ive watched 100 times. nothing's new.

i go to school --> class --> home. --> school --> class --> home --> school --> *bored* --> class --> home

damn! just over and over again. i really miss highschool. highschool is more than that. i miss my highschool friends. even though i already feel like they dont even miss me. im LOST. i dont know what to do. i want to find happiness but it keeps hiding on me.

these things really bother me. im feeling numb. i need a pinch. even just one.

-- #ncel